40 is the new 20

I can remember sitting in my classroom in grade 7. Circa 1979. Me and Jason were discussing the future. We couldn’t imagine the 80’s, let alone the 90’s and beyond. We couldn’t quite insert ourselves into the future like that. It was beyond our young imaginations. “What will we be like when we’re old?” Old of course, meaning 20. I think even then, as a child, I felt as though my life would end young. At least, I could not conceive of growing old. Did you feel like that as well?
But here I am. Months away from 40. My existentialistic belief still firmly in place.
I grew up somewhere along the timeline. Forgot Jason, forgot grade 7. Forgot that I had not anticipated being this old. But here I am. Almost 3 decades later. I’ve been “there” and made it back again. From the furthermost Northwestern tip of Vancouver to the SouthEastern most tip of America.
“Hello?” Here I am. Over here. I made it. I survived, y’all.
Will my life be measured by whom I’ve loved? Whom has loved me? Or perhaps, whom I’ve harmed along the voyage?
The parts of my physical body are deteriorating. Like my teeth. Like my uterus. Gaining pounds without neccesarily gaining strength. Have I reached the summit? Is it going to be that proverbial descent; “Downhill from here?”
My insides, I know, are lagging way behind my outsides. You laugh when I tell you that I’m way too immature to be 40. But it’s the truth. My 7th grade philosophy is racing to catch the 40 year old reality. And I hate to run, my friends.
It is hard for me to imagine that my life here is half over.
Damn, I hope I do better with the second half than the first…
And moreover, I hope to get some kickass presents for the milestone of achievement.
40. Forty. Four zero.
I’d love to sit with Jason today. Our superfluous doubts we could debate.
Should we still be here? And how on earth will we make the time count?
And without children of my own to teach, what will it matter anyway? What freakin’ legacy do I have to leave? And to who? My spider? Even she is getting old.
They say that 40 is the new 20.
But pretty soon I shall need a hearing aid, so who the heck cares what “they” say, right?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 at 6:17 am and is filed under Deetails. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.