Tonight, as I was driving home, an SUV needed to get over. I let him. He waved. I waved back. Not all in Florida drive in reverse. Beeotch. I gave a shout-out to ya.

You know who you are. You. The ones without the alcoholic gene or alcoholic inclination.
I won’t say the “lucky ones,” because I know I’m the lucky one to be off the bottle… (No such thing as luck, says Ed.)
But here’s the thing…
Don’t assume that I’m ultra sensitive to your drink taking. No, really. If I mention that you oughta chase this or that with that and this alcoholic beverage, it doesn’t mean anything accusatory. It doesn’t mean that I wanna swig the shit either. It simply means that I have no negative feelings towards those of you who don’t drink vodka instead of coffee in the morn’. It means: Lucky shmucks! I’ve used up all my damn drink tickets! But, I feel no longing.
So please, do not act as if you need to defend your cocktail hour, or even your weekend binge. You can drink with impunity. And that, my friend, is awesome. It’s how one should drink. It just wasn’t me. I drew the short straw.
Cheers! (Using water, of course.)

Enjoy your roast beast. Enjoy your trinkets and plinkets and places and plans.
Just don’t get too damned commercial and think it’s all about the mall.
Hey, I wanna make a million this year, but not at the expense of humanity.
So remember the Whos.
Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good night.

It’s comin’ on Christmas, they’re cuttin’ down trees, puttin’ up reindeer, an’ singin’ songs of joy and peace.
I wish I had a river that I could skate away on…

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