Hey Erkel!
Get your ass back to work instead of wasting company resources.
Maybe go to the bathroom and practice giving the toilet a lap dance?
Lord knows, you need the practice.

Ever been to South Beach?

I’ve been there twice for (alleged) pleasure this year.
The first was for the Food and Wine festival.
The tickets to view all things Alton had me thrilled.
And I did draw pleasure from that excursion.
Went with my friend AB, who was near and dear.

We planned to go back to South Beach.
This time for a festival called Aquagirl.
I bought my ticket, hers was a gift from an old flame.
SoBe it. Ha. Pun intended.
Off we go…

Me driving for 6 hours with my failing a/c.
She texting and yakking to her girlfriend of 3 weeks.

The weekend was about being a good samaritan. I get that now.
I assisted with a couple of intoxicated women, one destitute Colombian and one crazy friend.

The first night was fine. I had a good time helping my pal help her friend.
We ate breakfast at 8am after an all-nighter with no sleep.
She helped me figure out a problem I was having with a staff member and she fed me Cuban toast and eggs.
The sure-fire cure for whatever ails me.

But then the weekend plummeted and spiraled out of control.
My dear friend decided to choose the new and exciting over the old and familiar.
That’s when all broke loose out of Hell.

She split. Sayanara. Hasta la vista. Ciao. Au revoir.
Left. No word. No notice. No kiss my ass. No fuck you.

Oh the joys of friendships.

Now?

Well she still hasn’t phoned to see if I’m dead. It’s been a week, but who’s counting?

Wait. I must tell you that she DID send me a couple of email forwards.
You know, the kind I can rarely open due to my dial-up predicament?
Yeah. Forwards. Large attachments and such.
I asked her to remove me from that list.

Her response?

She asked me to remove her from her life due to my ignorance.
Wow. My ignorance.

I guess she’s right.
I must be ignorant to think my friends wouldn’t trash a 7 year friendship over a 3 week tryst.
Do I have to remind her that it took 2 years of her pleas just to get me to talk to her again?
And talk to her, I did. Because we all forgive eventually.

Not this time.
This time I’m gonna be smart and realize that if a chance for a facade arises in my friends, they’ll screw me.
And not in a good way, either.

Remember this AB, you were the one who trashed it.
The second time’s a charm, no?

No more charms for this idiot.

I shoulda bought my ticket by now.
Should have that itinerary in hand.
But I don’t.
Why?

Well, there are the reasons you can touch and the reasons you can’t.
The touchable ones are so easy.

I’m freaking busy. I’ve been called up to duty by the company that has led me all along to this place.

Go here, Dee. Go there, Dee. Go up and down and all around, Dee. If you don’t, Dee, we’ll scowl, Dee. We’ll howl and yowl and furrow our brow, Dee.

Oh, but then there are those intangibles. The no-see-ums. The: “Holy shit, I’m scared-ums.”
The ones that jet set my mind and body on an adventure backward. Back to 1994-95.
Shit. Crap. Fuck, man. There she is. Blocked by a dog whose paws are infiltrating my Mustang.
Geez. What do I do? I feel so much, but am so afraid…

Certain friends say that I have a good instinct for humans. To trust my apprehension.
My instinct? Well it’s not firing on all pistons these days. It can’t be.

I wanna see her. I wanna see her life now. I wanna see her life now that went on so gloriously without me. I wanna congratulate her. I wanna be proud of her. But man, these jitters fuck my head up.
What if I feel something again? I can’t have that. I can’t. Won’t.

And now she’s upset with me. Subtle, but pissed.
I can tell. I can feel it.

She’s hurt because she doesn’t want to be let down again. If anyone is owed a debt to them by me, it is surely her.
But it stings, this slap in the face, to be up against grown-up duties.
I can’t go steal her when I’m 60 if I’m not compliant at 40.
The irony remains. She doesn’t need me at all.

Still…

I wanna finally provide something that has always failed me. A safety net. A landing pad and a glance away from the monetary woes. Needed or not. Given freely. Altruistically.

But yeah, there’s that element of fear, foreboding. I’m afraid to see her again.
More paws, more pause.
It is oh so easy to just toss my dollars into the arena in lieu of my heart.

I’m afraid to feel this again. Karma or not.
She’s always sent me spinning, swirling, whirling and twirling around in the atmosphere.
I gotta keep my feet planted. It’s all I know now. It’s what I’m best at.

I know she loves me.
I love her, too.

But daisies are daisies and they’re doomed to die someday.
It sucks.
But it is.
Love them, love them not.
It doesn’t matter, they do what they do.

I’m gonna try like Hell to get to her this year or next.

But here’s the thing:
We’ll never be more than a round globe apart.
This comforts me beyond belief.
Because somewhere in me is that flicker of light that still believes in silly childhood dreams.

I’ll get there, woman.
You just gotta trust me.
For once, it’ll be ok. You’re my friend.
I take it seriously. I can even be good at it nowadays.

But you…

…you have always been the one who saved the daisies, kept the petals and spared their feelings.

There’s a gift in you.

Keep ’em for me, those packets of light, won’t you?