13 years ago…continued.

Ok. So where was I?
Oh yes, the personal side of life. The one where you get blindsided by the beauty of another.
Wham! There it is. In your face. Breathless. That’s the day that my sobriety began to eyeball its way south. Little did I know…
I’m a strong woman you know. Was then, too. Or so I thought. It had been eons since romance had tempted me with its rose-colored vases filled with red-colored roses. I fell for it. Fell hard and fast. Fell head over heels and back again. Or did I? Was I simply lured by the the idea of something new, something exciting? No matter. I gave up then, my routine. My meetings, my friends, my course, my on-trackedneness. My world as you knew it. The things that mattered began to seem oh so immaterial to me. Except, of course, the “Company.”
In A.A. they teach us that the order of recovery happens as follows;

1) You put down the bottle.
2) You believe that your mind is out to get you.
3) You begin to have faith that a Power greater than you can restore…

During relapse it happens backwards.

1) You lose contact with the Power.
2) You think: “Hey, maybe I’m not an alcoholic.”
3) You pick up that first drink.

And so I did, dear readers. Pick up. I hadn’t had a drink since I was 23. I wanted passionately to be that glamorous-type you see in the magazines. Pinky out, Cosmopolitan lifted to my lips. Ha ha. I was NEVER an elegant drinker.
I fell to the stereotypical illusuion. They say that alcoholism is a progressive disease. I never believed them. Until I realized that MY disease had been doing push-ups in the parking lot the whole time I was sitting through those hour-long meetings. Getting fit. Getting ready. Waiting…
Then came yet another promotion with the “Company.”
I shall never forget that day…It’s branded into me. Branded into those that love me, too.
My alcoholism prevented me from doing what the “Company” expected of me. Panick, I did. It was in S. Florida that my disease knocked me for one Hell of a loop.
Treatment. The crutch for those not strong enough to see…The mockery I’d made for so damn long.
You’d think by this point that I’d just give up. A 28 day treatment stay for such a vain girl? However could I bear it? However could I face the “Company” and all its history with me? Shame was a word imbedded into my heart. And to this day, it’s hard to re-live.

Until…a letter…a letter from my immediate supervisor and the H.R. lady, Charlotte…

…Stay tuned, if you wish.
More will surely follow.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 19th, 2006 at 2:10 pm and is filed under Gut wrenchers, Jay Oh Bee. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.