Like you really give a crap about these, right? Too bad.
If you’re here, you must read on.
There are certain things about life on earth that please me. And I’m going to tell you what they are.
There is no order, no item more important than the other. Simply a gratitude list du jour. Lu will think her lectures have paid off…
1) Eye contact with kids. God, I love that. The smile that forms so apprehensively on the corner of their mouths.
2) A hug from my dog. Well, a laying-on of a big dorky poodle, really.
3) Having a whole unopened case of water.
4) Eating. With friends/family.
5) Bugs that escape the fire-ants.
6) Any night sky.
7) The smell, sight, sound of rain.
8) Any natural occurence that unfolds despite my presence.
9) Vacations with my sister.
10) E-mails from long-lost friends.
11) Making people proud of me.
12) Finding five bucks in my pants pocket.
13) Teaching someone something I know.
14) Putting a quarter in some strangers’ meter to impress a girl.
15) Having a quarter.
16) A wave from a driver in recognition for letting him in.
17) Sneezing.
18) Palm trees.
19) Butterflies. Both external and internal.
And…
20) Air conditioning!
There you go. 20 gratitude items. 5 days worth!
Stay tuned for the opposite of this list, which is what I was going to write in the first place. Ha.

I had dinner a few nights ago with friends. Among the attendees was a 92 year old woman. It was a lovely meal, genuine conviviality and all the pleasantries. The conversation took a turn towards my sleeping patterns of late.
I need to give a bit of history here…

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Ha ha. Say THAT 5 times fast.
I can have a friend now. Really, no joke.
I’m not “IN” love with her anymore, I say.
“How do you know, Dee?”, they query. How do I know?
Let me tell you the story…

“IN” love, I’ve been.
None of that smirking from the peanut gallery whom assumes I’m an island…you know who you are, too!
In the 80’s. She rode her motorcycle in a purple dress. I spent insane amounts of time trying this way and that to convince her that she should be with me. Only me. Forever. Let your hands be like glue, I pleaded. She eventually complied on the very same night that I passed out in her shrine. Don’t bother to tell me that God is without humor. Laughing His ass off that night… Waited a teenaged eternity for that moment…
Jingly-jangly-what-nots hanging from every angle. She smelled nice. Like…uh…patchouli.
Dead things hung from her ears. Ha ha. A private joke. If she reads this ever, she’ll chuckle.
What is the word that you want to use that describes the most beautiful creature that you have ever seen? I was 18 then.

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Hi there.